1. |
stay better
04:15
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smoking in the bathtub with the lights out and a movie on i’m not happy i’m not unhappy i do not know what i am exactly but i love it i love it i am unsure i am young and i love it i know someday i will take control but for now i let the water and the credits roll on they go i never know how i’m supposed to feel i am the devil i am a levelheaded human being my tongue is angry my heart is always moving too fast and too far you don’t have to pretend when you are with me i’m not good and you’re not pretty stay with me while i remember that it hurts before it gets better but it gets better always better please don’t forget that it always gets better it gets better always better it always hurts before it gets better walking through my city i am unafraid i feel ugly in my bones but i know that i’m okay a bad day is just another bad day and i am grateful for getting out of bed and getting better i am better and i better stay better when you get better you better stay better stay better
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2. |
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you told your friends that there was something wrong with me and you were right i’m always fighting something meaner but you love me don’t you want to touch me don’t you all the luscious things you said while we were laying in your bed i should help myself but i’m only here to watch you sleep and make sure that you’re still breathing in the morning we’ll eat nothing we’ll talk about nothing we’ll listen to nothing on that sunny ride home you kiss me once for old times i kiss you twice for more you kiss me three times for goodbye but i still come crying at your door i saw the devil at last night’s party she was filling up her purse with broken barbie dolls she lit a cigarette she kissed you on the neck she turned to me and then she said under her breath “this will never work, he will never stay” i had another drink and swore i’d find a way to make us feel good to make us feel loved this is tiring and terrible i know i should give up i kiss you once for nothing you kiss me twice for fun i kiss you three times cuz i’m lonely and i don’t love anyone but you i should love anyone but you
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3. |
static
02:58
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i’m always naked or in black velvet i hate to tell it to myself but i am static electricity and i hate it when my lovers try to kiss me i don’t deserve it i am bursting with self-loathing and discontentment until next time when i’m ten feet tall and crawling on the celling i’m sorry i should not take you out when i feel empty but i do i never found a healthy way to say i care for you but i do now i’m laughing inappropriately and watching all of those beautiful childhood movies that i’d forgotten when i became my current and very rotten self i think i’m falling again and no one can stop me when i feel on fire i am terrible and i truly hope that you walk out before i do something wonderful and then fall apart just like every other weekend but i will just as sure as i do i hate to tell you how much i care for you you know i’m terrible but i’m trying to be sweeter for you
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4. |
a gentle reminder
02:28
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living on tanqueray and tonic blank faced and electronic noises in my head i am not well but still i am not dead i can’t forget all of the fucked up things i’ve said to my friends and to strangers i am a danger dynamite baby fight fight fight and learn when to surrender baby fight fight fight and learn when to surrender you know that i’d do anything for ya even change my name to something sweet like gloria or maria if you see a flaming car it might be me but don’t you worry i’m not hurrying to hurt myself tonight fight fight and learn when to surrender baby fight fight fight and learn when to surrender
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5. |
i don't miss anyone
02:15
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i need a strong coffee and a shoulder to cry on and no one looks better than you maybe when i start eating again i’ll let you take me out for something sweet i’ll remind you that you’re special i can be your best friend but why would you want that don’t you know that i’ve been bad i’m worst than most i’m not laughing i’m not joking you better run before i kiss you i don’t miss anyone and i swear i won’t miss you i don’t miss anyone and i swear i’ll never miss you
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6. |
queen of the underworld
05:31
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there is a rage i cannot contain there are fears i cannot explain i should take my meds but i think i lost them last night in the bar i was sitting on someone’s lap but i was very far away i was very far away i was very far away i was trying to get home cuz i am the queen of the underworld i always wanted to be a better girl but i am the queen of the underworld and i am unafraid and i am unashamed of the evil that i can be i put my knuckles through the wall and thought of you i would hate for you to see me when i’m in this kind of mood i’ll always hurt myself just to hurt somebody else who has hurt me it’s not healthy but it’s all that you’ll get from me you gotta give me something when i taste blood i don’t like anybody but i need to feel loved cuz i am the queen of the underworld i always wanted to be a better girl but i am the queen of the underworld i am unafraid and i am unashamed of the evil that i can be i have never been higher i have never been low 120 on the highway is still too slow
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7. |
nothing between us
02:25
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for a moment let me keep this in the morning i will leave it it will leave me they won’t believe it if i tell them they’ll say i dreamed in but in the sunlight i saw it breathing you and i talking how green it is to live nonsense and silence nothing between us what could be better my laugh is the meanest your love is the coldest nothing between us closer than ever never were what they told us to be and they told us to get better they swore we would get better no for a moment let me keep this in the morning i will leave it
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8. |
from below, with love
04:37
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when i lose i lose everything but i choose to keep you close to me are you surprised that i feel this way i am surprised i could feel this way no, no not today not when everything is fine you promised you would stay no, no not today all of the bruises that i gave myself i am used to hiding from everyone else but not you you are comforting please don’t let me lose my everything no, no not today not when everything is fine you promised you would stay no, no not today
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9. |
will you believe me
03:08
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this is not an excuse i am hurting and i don’t want to feel useless and i don’t expect anyone to help me through this this time i will lay down i will take my time before i get up fighting i like the sunlight but i always miss the morning but i will keep trying will you believe me will you believe me this is not an excuse if i don’t call back please remember that i’d love to talk to you maybe when i clear my head i’ll prove it’s true but until then i will lay down i will take my time before i get up fighting i like the sunlight but i always miss the morning but i will keep trying will you believe me will you believe me please believe me please believe me this won’t get easier but i will keep trying
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10. |
whatever it will take
03:05
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i will take whatever it will take to feel okay can you see it in my face there is something empty around the eyes these days it won’t leave me it’s the same feeling of a rainy day in october when i get sober can i call you up to tell you that the nightmare is over for now the nightmare is over
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Jillian Kay Warwick, Rhode Island
lofi lullabies and fight songs for cry babies // pvd, ri ♡
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